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My family
Getting to know me through those that know me
I asked my parents to each write a little piece, this will give you some idea of who they are and what our relationship is like.
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My dad, Chris, is an inspiring person. He is all the things a dad should be, strong, clever and my friends tell me quite attractive. He runs a Panelbeating business in Durban where he and my mom lives in a beautiful townhouse. My dad has a very short temper and he doesn't suffer fools gladly. He might be a very sticky tough toffee on the outside but inside he has chocolate center. He is incredibly compassionate and kind and even though it doesn't seem so he is very patient. |
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My mom is an angel, and this is also her nickname. I don't think in all the time they have been married, I've ever heard my dad call her anything other than "My Engel" (my angel) even in the heat of a huge argument. She has a deep spirituality that has been a light to me in many dark times. She is infinitely more patient than my dad. After all she had to deal with him and me. She is very creative and has an astonishing eye for interior design/decorating and detail. She made all the quilts that you see in the photos of our house and wedding. |
Mom's words:
Willow asked me as her Mother to describe how I coped with her illness. Willow has always been a very sensitive person, especially to other peoples feelings. She has also, even as a child never been a very strong person where her health was concerned. We were always a very close family with each other, as well as our extended family.
We were fortunate to have two children. We lost our son when Willow was 15 years old. The sorrow we suffered has left very deep scars on all of us, maybe more so on Willow who saw us suffer as parents. She started blaming herself for not being the one to die, but what she really witnessed was how we would have suffered had it been her who had died.
There was more trauma in her young life. She lost the vision in her one eye when she was 22, that and other personal issues brought more stress than any young person should suffer.
She started working as a vibrant PR with a speed and vitality that left us breathless. Then she started complaining of tiredness. We kept pushing her to study and work more. This ended in total collapse. I was phoned by her work every other day to collect her where she lay on the floor next to her computer. I brought her home and we started to consult doctors. One after another. I think this was a very hard time for all of us, as now she was our only child and very sick. She slept her days away, or would suffer sleepless nights only to collapse again and not get up for days. Eventually we found out that she was suffering from an illness called CFIDS and also from Fybromyalgia.
We started treatment and full rest for one year, which became two years and still no improvement. So year after year passed becoming 10 years. I could only cope by giving her all my love. Be her friend as she could not tolerate people around her. I became her lost sibling in whom she could confide her fears of not getting better. And most of all to keep calm and confident that one day God will heal her.
Many a day I stood in a shopping center where she would suddenly go into total collapse. Just calming down managers and shopkeepers that she will be fine after a little bit of rest. But I knew that getting home, she would be out of it and full of pain for at least 3 days.
It is not easy to see your only child in so much suffering. With lots of love and giving her time to start her own healing, slowly day by day she started living life as a normal person again.
With the love I have for her, and with faith, she started having normal days. I will always be there for her. I think that love made me able to cope with this illness.
Dad's words:
How I as a parent (Father) got to know CFIDS and Fybromyalgia and how I managed to cope with a daughter with this illness.
When your have a perfectly healthy family and life in general is pretty normal, with love and harmony in the house and when your children is a perfect pigeon pair of boy and girl, life is great. Unfortunately in most of our lives this fairytale condition does not always last forever. Well in our lives it did not last either.
Firstly we lost our son at the tender age of twelve in a road accident. I do not have to elaborate on the devastating effect this has on our family. He was the youngest and I do believe that the shock and after effects of this drama already triggered the horror CFIDS and Fybromyalgia in my daughters health system.
At this stage she was 15 years old and very vulnerable, especially to such a dramatic event as death in the close family circle. Understandably my wife and I was also trying to cope with this terrible thing that happened to us. Each of us was firstly feeling sorry for ourselves, but our compassion for each other was overwhelming too.
| However, by the grace and love of God the pain eventually eased and
although it will always be a tender spot, life has to go on. As the
months and years went by, our daughter sub consciously endeavored to be
herself and the son we lost as well. With hind site now, we realise that
this effort was slowly but surely taking its toll on her health. Also
with hind site, we did not encourage or discourage the situation. It may
just be that I sub consciously expected more from her as well and that
may be the reason why I did not want to accept poor performance from
her. I knew that she had a brilliant brain, with above average
intelligence and IQ. and therefore non-performance to me was not
acceptable.
Unfortunately I also measure her by my personal standards which was and is very high. Through hard work and perseverance I have always been an achiever. |
When she was in her post matric years and started studies at Universities and different collages, I could not accept that she started off so well and every time had the potential to become a big success and then lost interest, only to go on to the next venture. Financially and morally the situation became so annoying that I became negative to whatever she attempted or even suggested.
Unbeknown to us (and even many doctors that she visited who could not diagnose her) the horror of CFIDS and Fybromyalgia was already in an advanced stage. to aggravate the situation, she had a love affair that went wrong because of an abusive boyfriend.
Being ignorant and intolerant about the whole situation I remember with regret that I accused her on many occasions of being plain lazy and a big actress who staged all the tiredness, aching muscles and fainting.
At the stage that CFIDS and Fybromyalgia was diagnosed, I still did not accept that she was really ill. I did not have a lot of sympathy because I did not understand it. Only after lengthy discussions with a knowledgeable doctor and doing extensive investigation and reading on the devastation and impact of this terrible illness did I realise what a fool I was not to have made an earlier effort to understand the pain and frustration of a person who suffers from this illness.
Today, after years of experience and many, many informative document and lectures I have the greatest sympathy and empathy with any person who suffers from this silent but very potent disease.
